singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize