I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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