you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
