I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
