I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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