I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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