I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
