i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
