You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
