this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
