Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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