Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Help. Why am I so naked?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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