He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
