I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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