Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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