Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
