I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
