wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
