1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its not stalking. its research.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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