so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
