No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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