I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
