i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
