i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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