my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
