Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You need a sexual gate keeper
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
