Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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