That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
