dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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