You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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