If i come over, it means nothing
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
