He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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