5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
