I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
