You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
