drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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