Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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