WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
