Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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