So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
