please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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