did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
