Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
