Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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