Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
