i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
