dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
