i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
