so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
