areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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