DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
