Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
