Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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