I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
